ALEXANDER, THE NOT SO GREAT

2004
1. YOU ARE AT THE DANCE - THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL - YOU ARE IN SYNCH WITH YOUR PARTNER, WHETHER OLD OR NEWLY MET - YOU HAVE TOUCHED BASE WITH ALL THOSE YOU NEED TO SEE - NOTHING MORE ON THE POSITIVE SIDE CAN HAPPEN AT THIS AFFAIR -TO LINGER, IS TO TEMPT YOUR LUCK TO TURN AGAINST YOU.
2. YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING - YOU HAVE SEEN THE TRUTH, THE ABSOLUTE AND ULTIMATE TRUTH - YOU HAVE CAUGHT LIGHTENING IN A BOTTLE - YOU HAVE THE ETERNAL FLAME IN YOUR HANDS - YOU WANT TO SHARE THIS TREASURE - YOU HAVE A RELIGIOUS ZEAL TO SHARE THE GOOD NEWS, THE GOSPEL.
3. YOU TRY ON A SUIT - THE CLERK TELLS YOU IT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU -- IT FITS YOU - YOU ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE IN THIS OUTFIT -IT WAS CREATED WITH YOU IN MIND - YOU BELONG IN THIS SUIT.
********************************************************
BASICALLY, THESE THREE ITEMS ARE THE REASONS WHY,
ALEXANDER IS NOT SO GREAT.
THE LAST MOVIE I SAW WAS NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE AND YOU NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT.
I NEEDED TO SEE A MOVIE WITH THE SAME DESPERATION A CRACKHEAD WOULD FEEL, IF DENIED HIS OR HER "MEDICATION."
I WATCHED ALEXANDER UNFOLD AND JUDGED IT ON ITS OWN MERITS AND COMPARED IT WITH THE EARLY RICHARD BURTON VERSION OF ALEXANDER THE GREAT AND BRAD PITT'S EXCELLENT FILM OF THIS SAME YEAR, TROY.
THE COLIN FARRELL VERSION WAS SAILING ALONG VERY WELL.
IT HAD ALL THE PRODUCTION VALUES - IT WAS ESTABLISHING A REALLY WONDERFUL METHOD OF NARRATION, WITH ANTHONY HOPKINS RETELLING THE SAGA AS PTOLEMY, COMRADE OF ALEXANDER AND HISTORIAN OF THE ERA.
THEN, MISTAKE #1 AROSE, I STARTED TO SENSE THEY WERE STAYING TOO LONG AT THE DANCE. EVERYTHING WAS TAKING TOO LONG TO HAPPEN - I COULD SEE A TWO HOUR MOVIE WAS GOING TO RUN NEAR THREE HOURS, FOR NO GOOD REASON.
#2 - OLIVER STONE WAS TRYING TO BRING LIGHT TO DARKNESS - HE WAS GOING TO SHOW THE AUDIENCE EVERY POSSIBLE ANGLE ON EACH INCIDENT IN THE FILM. AS WITH JFK, HE WAS NOT ABLE TO EDIT HIMSELF.
AFTER A WHILE, YOU COULD TELL WHAT EACH CHARACTER WAS GOING TO SAY, NOT BECAUSE YOU WERE PSYCHIC, BUT BECAUSE YOU HAD BEEN THERE, SEEN THAT BEFORE. TO PUT A HAPPY FACE ON HIS REPETITION, STONE TRIED TO USE CAMERA TRICKS TO COVER UP HIS LACK OF STORY MOVEMENT. STONE BECAME A ZEALOT, INSTEAD OF A MOVIE DIRECTOR.
ERROR #3 -- ANGELINA JOLIE WAS SO BAD AS THE MOTHER OF ALEXANDER, THAT I CAN'T DECIDE IF IT WAS MISCASTING, POOR ACTING, MISDIRECTION OR JUST PITIFUL LINES THAT NO ACTRESS COULD DELIVER IN A CREDIBLE MANNER. THE ROLE DID NOT FIT HER.
MUCH OF THE FILM DEALS WITH THE ROMANCE BETWEEN ALEXANDER AND HIS BOYHOOD COMPANION -- THIS IS HANDLED WELL, IT IS NOT OUTRAGEOUS OR GROSS, IT IS NOT EXPLOITED, BUT IT IS CONSTANT THROUGHOUT THE FILM - AS IS ALEXANDER'S NEAR INCESTUOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER.
I HAVE TO MENTION THE WEIRD EYE MAKEUP ON THE BOYFRIEND - HE LOOKED LIKE A HALLOWEEN CHARACTER AND IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE - WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT, I HAVE NO IDEA - THE GUY LOOKED LIKE A RACCOON.
RICHARD BURTON'S VERSION IS SO PRIMITIVE IN TERMS OF TECHNOLOGY AND STYLE AND YET, IT IS MORE SUBTLE AND CONVINCING THAN THIS OVERLONG AND WANDERING EPIC - A DECENT, BUT FAR FROM GREAT PICTURE.