MACHETE

THIS IS A ROBERT RODRIGUEZ FILM -- THAT MEANS THERE WILL BE A KILLING EVERY TWO MINUTES THROUGHOUT THE FILM - PLOT AND ACTING ARE NOT THAT
IMPORTANT - MAYHEM AND MURDER RUN THIS ENGINE.
IF YOU ARE READING A REVIEW TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE GOING TO A ROBERT RODRIGUEZ MOVIE - YOU DON'T BELONG AT A ROBERT RODRIGUEZ MOVIE. THAT WOULD BE LOOKING UP THE OPPONENT BEFORE GOING TO A HARLEM GLOBETROTTER GAME.

DANNY TREJO GETS TO BE A STAR - GOOD FOR HIM.
JESSICA ALBA LOOKS GOOD.
MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ ( NO RELATION TO THE DIRECTOR ) LOOKS GOOD.
LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYS A DRUNK - NO MUCH OF A STRETCH FOR HER.
ROBERT DE NIRO MUST HAVE OWED SOMEONE A FAVOR OR REALLY NEEDS MONEY OR JUST WANTED TO PLAY A GOOFY PART FOR THE FUN OF BEING GOOFY.
STEVEN SEAGAL MOST LIKELY NEEDED THE MONEY.
CHEECH MARIN WAS EXCELLENT - HIS ROLE WAS REALLY WELL WRITTEN AND REQUIRED HIS TOUCH TO MAKE IT WORK.
JEFF FAHEY WAS GOOD, BUT NOBODY GOES TO SEE JEFF IN A MOVIE.
DON JOHNSON - THE GLORY DAYS OF MIAMI VICE ARE OVER.

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MINDLESS ENTERTAINMENT - MACHETE IS PRETTY DARN
MINDLESS.